I Don't Feel Like Myself Lately

 I don't feel like myself lately. 

I don't get the same enjoyment out of things as I used to, my job that I used to love has become such a chore, I don't have the energy to call my friends and family or hear about their lives, I am starting to get annoyed at little things my boyfriend does that would normally not bother me, and I feel like I am just going through the motions in so many aspects of my life.

I have also stopped working out, I lost a lot of the muscle and progress I had been gaining, I am starting to pudge out more around my midsection, I am not sleeping well, I am having nightmares more often, I feel so scattered and unorganized, and I am getting headaches more frequently. 

I thought that all of my stress and anxiety would subside once the election was over and once we went to full distance learning at school. I kept telling myself that I just needed to hold on until those things happened, and then things would get better. At the time, I really, truly believed that was the case. I thought that my problems came from the hybrid model at school and from Donald Trump being in office. But, I am on the other side of both situations, and I feel even worse than before.

I no longer have something to drive me forward. I am now stuck in a limbo where I am still stressed, anxious, and slightly depressed but there is nothing to strive for. We are still in the COVID times. We still have Donald Trump running our country and promoting fear and hate. I have not seen my parents or friends in person since July. I have not hugged or touched my parents since last Christmas. I have not seen my Grandma since July and I have not been able to sit with her, go into her house, or hug her since March. 

I honestly feel that the COVID times are worse for those of us who are following the rules. We are doing everything we can to stop the spread which means we are the ones making all of the sacrifices. We are not gathering for holidays. we are not seeing our families. We are not hanging out with our friends. We are not going to stores, restaurants, bars, etc. We are choosing to stay home as much as we can. That should be enough to stop the spread and get life back to normal, but there are too many people who feel like they do not have to make the same sacrifices, along with those who are not privileged enough like I am to make those sacrifices. Those people are the reason why this virus is surging and spreading and why those of us who are stuck doing what we can to follow the rules are getting the short end of the stick. And of course, this whole thing had to become a political issue in the united states rather than a humanitarian issue, so the process of stopping the spread and getting a vaccine has been slowed even more. 

I thought experiencing 6 deaths in my senior year of college was the darkest time of my life, but this election and COVID year might just be worse... 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Being a Teacher in America

 It is already a known fact that teachers do not get paid enough, and that many schools do not have enough funding to supply their classrooms. It is already a known fact that schools are places where students can get some mental health services, and places where students can receive free breakfast, lunch, and packs of non-perishables to take home on weekends. It is already a known fact that teachers are trained and prepared to protect students and possibly take a bullet for them if there is ever an active shooter in their school. It is already a fact that schools are used as band-aids to many of our biggest societal problems. And in all of these instances, Teachers are being told they are appreciated. We have a week dedicated to teacher appreciation every year. Many parents and families give us cards and gifts for the holidays. We are often told, "thank you for all that you do" or we get hugs and praise, thoughts and prayers. But, none of that is enough!  Things have changed ...
Read more

Tough Ol' Broad

 Born in the great depression, 1928. My Grandmother is,  as my dad would say,  a "tough ol' broad." Surviving World War II, Vietnam, 911, Brain Surgery,  Corona Virus, and so much more. She definitely is a  "tough ol' broad." She has experienced so much  illness, loss, and hardship yet she built a legacy.  She has seven children,  Twenty-two grandchildren Sixty great-grandchildren and  Three great-great-grandchildren.  And in all of these numbers, all of these people, she always knew how to make each of us feel special, individual, seen.  She remembered all of our names, went to all of her grandchildren's  high school graduations  and weddings.  She remembered everyone's birthday and  went to sporting events and plays.  She did anything she could to support her family.  She would call me "my girl." and even though she called other's the same thing, I always felt safety and warmth in that name,  the...
Read more